A Comedy of Errors: Our Practice Run

Oh. Dear. God.

Anyone lucky enough to have been filming our misadventure on Sunday would surely have a viral youtube video on their hands (side note, Jackie is very proud that she knows such slang as "viral videos" and "cougars", it makes her feel hip, so please engage her in the latest slang next time you see her). Good thing we we stupid enough to take pictures so you all wouldn't have to wonder how it went, which was a little something like this:

Part A: The Swim

In an effort to make sure we had experienced an open water swim before race day, we donned our craigslist purchased wetsuits (sleeveless was a bad idea), goggles and swim caps and then spent 20 minutes trying to figure out the quick route into the water. We eventually gave up after wandering around half of Treasure Island and traversed across goose poop and plunged in, to what felt like 20 degree water. For drama's sake, lets say it was as cold as the water when the Titanic sunk, fact. As we fluttered around, unable to put our heads underwater due to the immense ice cream headache it gave us, we realized that this was going to be much harder than anticipated. Oh, and Jackie cut her toe upon existing the liquid tundra. Sigh...

Part B: The Bike Ride

Ok, here's the easy part, right? Just bike around flat, boring, radioactive-in-parts Treasure Island for 25 miles. Wrong. After a pee break and an immense study of the route map, we're on our way! Then, on lap 2 or 6, my tire goes flat. Just like that, not even an interesting story. Luckily Jackie came to the rescue with her tire patch kit and fixed my tire, which we deduced was probably the original inner tube that the bike came with some time in the 80s. Morale is low and the bike ride is cut in half after I can't change my gears to get up the one slight incline.

Part C: The Run

Finally, something we can't fail at! And you know what? We didn't! No scraped knees or twisted ankles. Just a casual 2 mile run to cool down. This might be the strangest thing for us, something actually going right.

Top 5 Random Things We Saw on Treasure Island:

1. Doggy Diner Dogs!!

2. Rugby Players...oo la la

3. Beautiful view of San Francisco (if only Treasure Island didn't suck so bad it would be an awesome place to live)

4. Geese. Lots and lots of scary geese

5. That's it, Treasure Island doesn't even have 5 things worth seeing.

Where in the world is this Triathalon taking place?

http://www.tricalifornia.com/index.cfm/SF2010-main.htm
http://www.tricalifornia.com/index.cfm/SF2010-Maps.htm

Check it out.  Sholeh and I are going for a test run of the swimming course, complete with circling sharks, and the bike route on Sunday.  Wish us luck, Sholeh has a fear of open water swimming which is probably not the best thing for a triathalon contestant!  I will need to provide the motherly support and encouragement still after 26 years...well what are mothers for?
Posted my Mother

Perfect Bike

Well here is my perfect bike.  This is what I had to follow home from work on Friday only to mount my trusty steed for the 10 mile training ride.  I decided to visit my friend in the Hayward Hills as I am looking after her three legged cat, which was my three legged amputee foster kitten, when they are on vacation.  My bike mechanic, aka husband of many years, actually managed to find 5 more gears so I was ready to attack the Fairview Hill!  Half way up the hill, his last words ringing in my ears "are you sure you can get up that hill?" I was on the verge of quiting but worked on my mental stamina and finally made it to the roundabout at the top, which is very weird coz there are so few of these in California and people don't quite get them.  On arriving at my friends house she greets me with "where have you been?", only trying to get up your bloody hill I say...

What exactly is a Trithalon?

In case this question haunts you as it does me! An Olympic Distance Triathalon (Even the title is daunting) is 1.5k swimming, for those who are kilometer challenged 0.9 mile.  An interesting note here is that I never believed that Great Britain would ever change to the metric system, I mean we aren't giving up our beloved Pound for the EEC.  The biking comes next which is 20k or 25 miles, then comes the dreaded run only a 10k or 6.2 miles.  Here is our training schedule for next week:
Monday - Day off
Tuesday - Swim 1000 yds am - Run 4 miles pm
Wednesday - Bike 15 miles
Thursday - Swim 1250 yds am - Run 4 miles pm
Friday - Bike 15miles
Saturday - Swim 1000 yds am - Run 6 miles pm
Sunday - Bike 25 miles
Bear in mind that this is a 10 week training schedule for beginners who just want to be able to finish!!
Posted by Jackie

Anatomy of a Tweeker Bike

Well Sholeh I managed to take the picture and even post it here.  I'm not that technologically challenged. 
Here's my Tweeter Bike, purchased at the flea market for a bit more than Sholeh's - $75.  Sholeh definitely got the better deal.  There are certain key elements that must be met to gain the prestigious title of Tweeker Bike!
1. Spray paint of various colors all over the frame in an attempt to hide the identity of bike so previous owner won't be able to find it.
2. A Frankenstein quality to the accessories.
3. Out of the 15 available gears only 3 actually work and the rider has no control over which gear they'll be lucky enough to get.
4. Mismatched wheels and tires.
5. No kick stand as the rider NEVER stops so it's superfluous.
6. A variety of squeaks, creaks, squeals, clicks and rumbles that make the need for a bell redundant.

So as I do my required training miles, now up to 20, cursing Sholeh as yet another SUV speeds by just a little too close, wondering why I couldn't quite focus on it in my helmet attached rear view mirror I wonder who else had the pleasure of this bike's company and is mine a nobler cause.
Posted by Jackie even though it says Sholeh!

All For Gus

So we have tentatively made our goal to be $500. This donation will "buy" a rock underneath the shelter's giving tree which we are going to donate in honor of Gus. Gus was our lovable wiener dog who lived to be 18 years old and died this year on New Year's Day. Gus was well known around Hayward and among all of my brother's and my friends. He was sweet and hilarious and ran like a banshee is his heyday! He had many nicknames including Schnitzel, Giblet and Gibby and loved nothing more than curling up in a basket with his randomly acquired but perfect soul mate, Arnold. He slowly became demented in his old age but still kept up a resilient spirit, hobby horsing all around the house and getting stuck in corners because he forgot how to reverse. He never did get boring up until the very end!

When Gus passed away we were all very sad, but especially Arnold and Jackie, who had spent 24 hours a day together at home, the office, sleeping, literally almost 24 hours. Kinda co-dependent sounding, huh? In order to relieve some loneliness and a spot that could never quite be filled by Gus, my parent's decided to adopt an older dog from the shelter to keep Arnold (and the rest of us) company in Gus's absence. A few weeks later along came Dora, a chubby, 12 year old pug that honestly probably didn't have much chance at being adopted. She was welcomed into our home (and welcomed herself to the bed, the cat's sleeping spot, Arnold's bed, etc) and has quickly adapted to life with a weiner dog, 5 cats, and 2 derranged adults.

Daddy buried Gus in the front yard on New Year's Day after building him a mini weinerdog sized coffin and placed an American flag on his grave (how appropriate). A few weeks ago we planted some flowers on him and they have been growing like crazy. I guess Gus makes a good fertilizer, he must be making up for all the plants he killed marking his territory!

Thanks to our first donors!:
Barbara- $50
Jo- $20
Rick- $25
Emily- $20

Top 5 Embarassing Things About Riding a Bike:

In no particular order:

1. Tweaker Bikes.
 Named after the tweakers that ride around Hayward at all hours of the night on biciclyes because they a. can't afford cars, b. have had their licences revoked due to DUIs and/or c. maybe bicycles feel really cool or ride on when your on meth, our bikes may just be the laughing stock of the race. Seriously, its so bad that my mom is wants me to teach her how to write a blog just so she can talk about them, and she barely knows how to copy and paste. (stayed tuned to see if she actually learns how to do this and posts the blog)

2. Diaper Shorts
Padded bike shorts purchased so that our asses and nether regions would agree to stick with us through this entire ordeal. Needless to say, they make you feel like a 2 year old, which goes nicely with my elbow and knee boo-boos.

3. Elbow and Knee Boo-Boos:
When everyone keeps asking you "What Happened?!" expecting some really cool story about how I got in a fight with a tiger or was mugged and then laughs when I tell them what really happened. Oh and the fact that I still call them boo-boos even though I am a 26 year old "adult"

4. Sweaty Butt:
Lets face it, having a sweaty butt crack at the gym is just plain embarassing. But apparently less embarassing than falling off your bike in the street because I endure this one over riding in the streets most training sessions.

5. Riding a Bike, period:
Everyone says they laugh when they try to picture me riding a bike. How can someone look like they'd be bad at riding a bike?? Plus I apparently can't ride in a straight line and wobble too and fro, accoring to my mother who refuses to ride next to me when we train together. I'm being judged by my mother, this can't be good.

Sholeh's Epic Bike Fail

So in the vein of keeping you all up to date with our trials and tribulations concerning our training, I will update you with my woeful first attempt at a bicycle ride in the city.

Lets start with the fact that I am much too poor to be fully involved with this sport. This means a couple things: 1. I can't afford a bike, thus my loving parents procured me what my mother has affectionatly termed the "Tweaker Bike" for $35 at the flea market. Now for $35 it is a work of art, but for anything more it would probably have more value as scrap metal. Lets just say that I have been too embarassed to take it to get properly fitted for fear that I'll be laughed out of the bike shop. 2. I can't afford clip-ins so thus will be riding ghetto style with my running shoes, with imminent first place glory just out of arms reach due solely to this fact, I'm sure of it.

So with my lovely "new" bike in tow, and my lovely padded bike shorts (also affectionately named by my mother the "Diaper Shorts") I set off one fine morning to conquer the notoriously mean streets of biker not-so-friendly SF. I was scared shitless heading out, waking at the crack of dawn at 5 am to avoid as much street traffic as possible. I made the quickest possible route directly to the bay so I could bike in the industrial area and avoid possible obstacles such as hobos, traffic and stop lights that were bound to ruin an otherwise perfect ride.

About 3 miles away from my house I start to get comfortable and confident, two of the most unnatural and inefficient emotions for me to feel. When will I learn that fear and intimidation will keep me safe and humble? I set off to take a left turn, properly singalling and looking both ways for traffic. What I should have been doing was looking straight down at the train tracks which I only noticed .0005 second before my front tire became entangled in them. Instantly realizing my horrible mistake, I literally said out loud to only myself, "Of Course!" as I tumbled to the ground.

Long story short, I fell and boo-booed my right elbow and knee, which to this day are bruised and have left me with scars like a 5 year old who fell down on the playground. I bent my wheel and had to walk home 3 miles with a half in tact bike and a barely intact ego. And of course, my Diaper Shorts...

But WHY???? For the animals!

Tiger is one of the many beautiful dogs available at the Hayward Animal Shelter right now!

So this us brings us to now. Out a few hundred bucks for gear, a few dozen hours for training, and probably a few years off the end of our lves due to stress and boo-boos, we have decided to make this triathalon really worth it (you know, besides the whole getting healthy part)

Jackie had the brilliant idea of having our friends sponsor our ill thoughtout endeavour and donate all the proceeds to a good cause. Sholeh and Jackie have actively been volunteering at the Hayward Animal Shelter for a few years. As an organization funded by the city government, you can guess that they are probably the first to get funding cut when a recession hits. The Volunteer Fund at the shelter helps to provide things such as surgery necessary for injured animals to survive and get well enough to be adoptable. It also provides much needed funding for dog and cat socialization, toys, leashes, basically everything to make an otherwise not so happy time at the shelter a little better for the animals. It is a great cause and we'd love if you could give what you can to help support something that is very important to myself and my mom.

You can click the donate button below and donate using a credit card, debit card or a Paypal account. You do not need to have a Paypal account, nor do you need to live in the US, nor do you need to be that internet savvy (for all my mom's friends out there...) All you have to do is click the donate button and you will be walked through the process. Any donation large or small is greatly appreciated.

If you have any questions or words of encouragement, please feel free to email us! We'd love to hear from you. We will keep updating this blog with our progress, anecdotes and other embarrassing yet hilarious trials and tribulations. Maybe the more embarassing the mishaps, the more you'll feel sorry for us and donate.

Thanks in advance for all the support! We really do appreciate all of you, even if you all make jokes about how we'll be eaten by sharks in the bay and laugh at me when I tell you how I fell off my bike on the first ride (more to tell in a soon to come post). We love you all and couldn't do any of it with our you.

Love,
Sholeh and Jackie, Sholeh's Mom
Email Sholeh: sholehm@gmail.com
Email Jackie: burmir@aol.com

What the hell are we doing?

 Sholeh has always been a thorn in her mother's side. From a 3 day birth (although Shapour swears it was a week, leave it to the men to exaggerate everything), to the endless nights of crying (maybe its because she didn't have a name for the first month, ahem), to the, well, lets face it, after that she was pretty much perfect. Until now...

Jackie naively enough one day agreed to do a simple short race with her daughter to encourage mother/daughter bonding, force a regular gym schedule, and to conquer a new challenge. The small task seemed easy enough. But then Sholeh's large mouthed evilness reared its ugly head. Instead of a short simple race, she secretly signed them up for a Olympic Triathalon. "What does that mean?" you ask. Well, an Olympic Triathalon is a 3 stage race consisting of 1 mile of swimming, followed by 25 miles of biking, and finished up with a 6 mile run. And now Jackie was out the registration fee and couldn't very well look back .And so they began their journey...